I had a fight with a guy today… official fight… which resulted in me writing a big bad email to the world and then taking out all the anger on white board behind my desk… it is a large white board… I basically cleaned it… and then scribbled all over it…!!!
Now this guy is a friend of sorts and outside of work we get along pretty well…. To cheer me up while going back home he sent me pictures of Hinjewadi roads(that is homeland)… and also wished me good morning today(he never does that)….
I’m thinking of how people interpret my anger… he thinks I’m angry with him.. in which case I would have not talked to him after our fight… but I did talk to him… rest of the guys in office thought that this was going to be meltdown of sorts so they were being extra nice…
My anger has steps…
And when I think back… I am in the situation due to my own fault.. always….
So I keep wondering… why is it that I don’t stop myself from getting there… Is it because I don’t realize where this situation is getting to?
There is loads of ‘gyan’ on how people need to control anger… be calm… but it is a gyan and only saints have the strength required for this control… I’m a mere mortal… There are times when I’m successful in controlling (very few) and others when I’m not(too many)…. But I think anger has a good side…
I get angry when someone says something about the ones I love…. Which means I am emotional about my relationships…
I get angry when I’m are trying hard to make something work and someone is trying even harder to stop it from happening… This means I’m passionate about the work I do…
I get angry when people don’t agree with me… this means I try to seek acceptance and want to have a sense of belonging…. (even though getting everyone to agree with me is not the way to this)
Overall I don’t think it is a bad emotion that we need to control all the time.. sometimes just letting go is helpful too… keyword being sometimes….
I take pride in being emotional and passionate and it is just human to want to fit in… so I’m going to keep my anger and there are going to be fireworks… Rok sako toh rok lo…!!!!
Now this guy is a friend of sorts and outside of work we get along pretty well…. To cheer me up while going back home he sent me pictures of Hinjewadi roads(that is homeland)… and also wished me good morning today(he never does that)….
I’m thinking of how people interpret my anger… he thinks I’m angry with him.. in which case I would have not talked to him after our fight… but I did talk to him… rest of the guys in office thought that this was going to be meltdown of sorts so they were being extra nice…
My anger has steps…
- Anger… increase in volume of speech… quickening of pulse… frowning of the face…
- Then is a psychotic urge to break stuff… breaking things gives me super feeling… I know what you are thinking.. “main pagal hoon”(I’m mad).. well… that is true in all scenarios of my life…
- A strong urge hit someone… this is for special cases….
- Nerve racking sense of helplessness when I can’t do either of the steps 2 or 3….
- Weird urge to eat chocolate…. This is the silliest thing… but yes… chocolate always turns up in my head when I’m angry… dark n gooey kind… Have not been able to decipher the meaning of that yet…
- and finally regret…The regret is always there… not over getting angry… or over breaking things (I have done that a lot mostly with my own stuff)… but it is just for getting into that situation where I got angry in the first place…
And when I think back… I am in the situation due to my own fault.. always….
So I keep wondering… why is it that I don’t stop myself from getting there… Is it because I don’t realize where this situation is getting to?
There is loads of ‘gyan’ on how people need to control anger… be calm… but it is a gyan and only saints have the strength required for this control… I’m a mere mortal… There are times when I’m successful in controlling (very few) and others when I’m not(too many)…. But I think anger has a good side…
I get angry when someone says something about the ones I love…. Which means I am emotional about my relationships…
I get angry when I’m are trying hard to make something work and someone is trying even harder to stop it from happening… This means I’m passionate about the work I do…
I get angry when people don’t agree with me… this means I try to seek acceptance and want to have a sense of belonging…. (even though getting everyone to agree with me is not the way to this)
Overall I don’t think it is a bad emotion that we need to control all the time.. sometimes just letting go is helpful too… keyword being sometimes….
I take pride in being emotional and passionate and it is just human to want to fit in… so I’m going to keep my anger and there are going to be fireworks… Rok sako toh rok lo…!!!!
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